Undescribable Feeling

I don't know what am I doing... I have no idea on what I feel...

I feel reluctant... reluctant in doing anything... I wish to hide myself... I wish to dissapear at this moment...

I wish to a place where no one knows me...

....

Unreasonable...
Unpredictable...
Undescribable...
Unknown...

heart still bleeding...Some of the photos cant be recovered T.T
miracle for getting back is nearly zero...
still in pain a, God.... T.T
pls heal me n bring me out...
I'm feeling myself the stupiest ever....=.=
Speechless...

A4J

A4J conference starts tomorrow...

My heart is complicated now, struggling...

I didn't register as a camper this year... I think I'm gonna miss sth great... Hmmm... Suddenly thought of, Can I atend aj for the next year? I may be in Industrial Training for this period... =.= Anyhow,I 'll just try to attend the night service...

Dear God, please speak to me eventhough I may just attend for the night service... I hope that I will not miss sth great....PLEASE....

Lord, I'm frustrated and moody now... Feeling stress as well... There are so many things to do...

I feel that I'm so tiny and weak... I don't know what I can do. I found that my faith is very very little. I found that I can't really believe in myself. I have worries towards my ability. Am I capable for this? I'm questioning myself... I hate this side of me... Inconfident... Anxious and uncontrolable....

Unexpected

Really unexpected... A for coursework of 1115? I don't really believe and I don't really think that I deserve,frankly. If that's true, really thanks God for that. A big big thanks! It's a great great grace from You.

However, I know that I really do not know much. God ,please give me wisdom to understand the thing. I know You can do anything, There's nothing impossible in You!

Please give me more wisdom to cope the very last paper. I need to give my best. Holy Spirit please guide me. Help me to concentrate. I know that one who loves You must be responsible and be serious to everything in his/her hand.

Give me a humble heart,help me to "defeat" myself. In Jesus name I pray, Amen! ^^

Which one

God, I'm struggling.... Really struggle. Shall I go tomorrow? My data strcture hasn't complete. Which shall I choose? To stay in college? To stay in college and join the meeting tomorrow? To go home? Which shall I choose?!

EXCITED!!!!!

Wow!!! I'm truely excited now!!! Despite of my characteristic of lack of self confidence, It's truely excited and amazing!!!

I just can't imagine!! It's awesome!
We have this idea as a spark now!!

Stretch our dreams God! Ignite us and put this dream in our heart! We wanna make it big! We wanna dream big! Give us courage God! Give us confidence! Passion! Unite us!

Thought we don't know how could this be, but God You just now and You are the One who turn everything into reality!

Btw...God....I need to study ...haha!

Untitled

I'm having final now. Yet, I'm not studying but gaming, listening to music... I'm emotional... Letting the music exploding in my ears... I know that everyone is busy for studying... And I know that I'm lazy and I'm not preparing at this very important moment...It makes me feel more guilty... Tiring but not willing to sleep...

God, can you accompany me in such a late night? Stick with me while everyone is busy and when I dont know what to do? I know You will. And I know you can revive and stir me up with Your almighthy spirit and power.

Thanks

Wasted

Another wasted week of mine...

Final is around the corner... It is so CLOSE... Yet, I'm still relax like nothing happen... GOSH!

Staying in hostel, staying at home are the same... I'm too relax. I have not even touch a single page of any subject. What a shame...

I have reached home on Monday. It was the longest time I have not been at home since I stayed in college. 2 weeks time... Nothing much was changed ( ha, what changes I expect?)... The food or titbits is getting lesser and lesser... ( Oh, my mind is just about the food)... The newspaper is higher and higher...

I switched on the TV... erm...everything seems so unfamiliar to me... many new shows and new drama... Yet, I still can enjoy watching them half way... The newspaper style change again...hmm.... I feel that it's less and less thing I can read...sigh...What happen to the newspaper?

I may go back to my college tomorrow. Hoping that I can make good use of my time and study hard... Home is just too relax for me... Yet, I just feel I have not rest enough pr enjoy enough in my house... 2 days is too short... Yet, for the sake of my future... I have to... I have to force myself, I shouldbe disciplined and self controlled.

Another talk, I found that I spend quite much recently... Hmm... since when I start it? I should control myself and spend every cents wisely. I must train myself to be a good spender...haha~ I can do it

27March2009

Ehem, a tiring day. I stayed in the college thought I do not have class for today,which happens rarely.Most of the collegemates or schoolmates/coursemates have actually gone home. Well, no matter how i still need to stay as I'm having 2 meetings with my group members today.

After submitting the beloved data structure lab( which suffers me a lot =.=), I meet with my MAD project members(MAD stands for Multimedia Application Development). The dateline is actually around the corner. We only have maximum 2 weeks time left before the submission or presentation on the last week, whih falls on 14 April 2009. We are in a pretty rush indeed. We still haven't figure out how exactly the flash and photoshop can help in this project etc. The worst is, I dunno y my laptop fails to install the flash and photoshop for CS4 version. It keeps on showing "Product liciense expired" even someone offer me the crack. duh! We need to figure out the script and record narration for the clip as well. I wonder when can we finish everything...

After backing from the meeting, I try to start with my Data Structure, the subject that I lack of confidence the most for this semester. My basic, which is the Programming 1 was weak. Frankly, I can't really get what the lecturer conducting throughout the whole semester. I dun really know that how many percent of the lecture that I can understand fully. The credit hour for this subject is relatively high compares to the others,which means it will definately affects my pointer if I do not score well for this. No matter what I must work hard for this subject. The coming Monday will be our Test2. I really hope that I can score well... Only 1 month left for the final as well. Hopefully I can keep on my effort until the end of the final. I can do it.! I can do it through Him who gives me strength! add oil!

At 3pm, I have another session with my English Professional Writing class member. We have to conduct a meeting as our presentation during the class on Monday.Hopefully we will hav a good presentation on Monday.

I contiued with my data structure after the 2nd meeting. I could just manage to finisg=h the ArrayList till now. I have more topics to cover. Though the topics covered for the Monday test are just LinkedList,Stack and Queue. But who knows? I just worried that the question will included interface, inheritance,generic. I still don't have a clear picture for those things...

We will be having a farewell for the seniors or those who no longer stay in the college for the next semester 8pm later. I saw sis Sarah starts preparing delicious food for us from the evening. Erm, however, I don't think many people will show up.

Basically, this is how I spend my day in the college alone today...

The coming weeks will be packed and busy for me, I believe. 30 March: Data Structure Test, Meeting Presentation
2 April : MAD LAb Test
3 April : WXES 1115 Project Summision, HE presentation (though is not presented by me)
9 April : MAD Project Summision

Gosh!!!I forgot something!!!! Alamak! The interpretation that I promised someone!==!!!

My worries

I have to admit, I did a very stupid mistake last sem,letting me drop in such a difficult circumstaces now. I have to chase my CGPA so hard this sem. By the time I realise , it was too late as it's about to have my 2nd sem final.

Secondly, my college application. I don't know whether I still have a chance to stay for next sem. I knew that I have participated very few activities in my college. At first, I was reluctant to stay any longer due to bad food choice etc. Somehow, I suddenly feel that it's much more convinient for me to stay in the college. Besides, I haven't achieve what I promised myself in the beginning of my 1st sem. I have nearly forget what I said to myself. I used to tell myself. I must grab this opportunity to mix or work with people of other ethnics since I don't have such chances in the past. However, I'm not sure whether I still can get it. Futhermore, my CGPA. I worried that it will be my obstacles for applying the college for next year.

I'm in a struggle now. I feel like I have betray or "putting aeroplane " on my friend. I used to say I may move out if I can't get the college. Though I have never ever give my friend a very confirm promise that I must move out. I feel guilty an feeling I have done something sorry to her. I may mess up her plan, break down her hope, and bring trouble to her...

Shall apply for other colleges as well for my living assurerance? Shall I try to apply for the PM (Pembantu Mahasiswa) for the sack of increasing my probability of getting to stay in the college again?

Struggle struggle struggle

Start

Yes, I want to have a brand new start for everything seriously. This is my promise to You and myself. I have been being not serious and getting lazier and lazier for years.

It's time for me to look in everything seriously. Studies, ministry, attitude and even my whole life.

This is my promise.

Help and guide me all the way long.

Start

I don't know why I feel like blogging in English recently. Maybe because of the environment I'm in now. I attend lecture in English, have to learn to communicate with other ethnics or some international students in English. Sometimes I just feel like I'm thinking in English as well ( Though my english is not that good). The fact is I can't deny that my chinese keeps rolling down the hill T.T. What a sad story=.=

Ehem so let's have a start in English now. At the same time, I manage to sharpen my "blunt" English,haha!

Anyhow, sorry if my English is too confusing or I can't describe the thing clearly with it.

Happy adventure....^^